I used to be so embarrassed having my photo taken in public and would only ever take a selfie of myself if there was no one else around.
I also used to judge womxn that were confident enough to have their photo taken or take a selfie in public. Like I would cringe, so bad on the inside.
Can you see the connection here?
It's not that there was anything wrong with those womxn that were taking selfies in public, it was my lack of confidence to do the same.
I was judging womxn for something that I wanted to do myself, but just wasn't confident enough.
Here's the thing...
When we judge other womxn, we are judging ourselves.
Let's say that again...When we judge other womxn, we are judging ourselves.
When we screw up our noses at womxn that are feeling sassy and snapping a pic of themselves in the gym, we are judging ourselves for not having the confidence to do that. When we roll our eyes at girls taking photos for each other for their Instagram feed, we are judging ourselves for not feeling free enough to do the same. When we silently judge womxn for wearing a certain outfit or swearing or setting a boundary or standing up for herself, we are also silently judging ourself.
As humans we judge others in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. And this has been magnified amongst womxn due to the patriarchal society we live in and internalised misogyny (ie.we are taught to hate other womxn and tear one another down).
And in truth it may work temporarily.
You might feel better by belittling her for being 'vain' or convince yourself that you're more mature or better than her because 'you would NEVER'.
But in the end it's still you who is lacking that confidence. It's still you who wishes you could snap a selfie of yourself when you're looking fire or have your friend take a pic of you to capture a memory. It's still you that wishes you could wear whatever you wanted in public, stand up for yourself, set boundaries and swear like a topper without giving a flying fuck what others think of you.
You're the one that misses out and you're judging yourself for it. You're judging yourself for not having the courage or confidence to do the things you see other womxn doing. But it isn't their fault. They don't deserve the wrath of your judgment (which is merely a projection of your own insecurities).
And this is not to shame you babe, because we have ALL been there.
We have ALL judged another woman at some point or another.
When it is so ingrained in us (and our society), and so normalised for womxn to compete against one another and compare and pit themselves against each other, it's no surprise there is so much judgement going on.
But it doesn't have to stay that way. Self-awareness is key.
So next time you find yourself judging another womxn for taking a photo in public or wearing a certain dress or saying no unapologetically, instead of rolling your eyes and projecting your insecurities, turn inwards and ask yourself why you feel that way. What is this bringing up for you? What does it make you feel? Why does it affect you? What are you judging within yourself?
You deserve to feel unapologetically confident, but you'll struggle to do that when you're judging others for being where you wish you were.
I would really recommend reading 'Women Don't Owe You Pretty' By Florence Given for more on this topic as well as a deeper dive on feminism, radical self-acceptance and self exploration.
For more in depth support you can join my monthly membership The Confidence Collective which is a super accessible group coaching container where we deep dive into all of the things you need to learn and address to become your most confident self. Click here for more info about The Confidence Collective or to join. Instagram: @georgiaholliday_ Facebook: Georgia Holliday Coaching Private Facebook Group for more in depth free content: Self-Care Queens My podcast: The Self-Full Podcast