Confidence and self-doubt are absolutely 100% connected. If you are prone to doubting yourself, every step of the way with every tiny thing you do, think or say, then chances are you also have low confidence.
And it's a catch 22. If we aren't confident, we'll doubt ourselves and if we doubt ourselves, we'll dimish our confidence.
So, why do we doubt ourselves so much?
After all, we are the only person in the world, that knows what truly goes on inside our brain. We are the people that know ourselves more than anyone else.
So, why do we doubt every decision we make? From the smallest, what colour should I paint my nails, to the biggest, should I leave this relationship?
Self-doubt can be exhausting and if you don't get to the bottom of it, it will rule your life. So what causes self-doubt?
Usually this comes from a lifetime of limiting beliefs, past experiences, sometimes trauma and lack of self-trust.
Lack of self-trust looks like:
- constantly breaking promises to yourself.
- constantly letting yourself down.
- being mean to yourself.
- crossing your own boundaries.
If you're living your life doing these things on the regular, then how the hell are you supposed to trust yourself?
The more you break your own trust the more you will doubt yourself.
Imagine you had a friend that was always late (maybe you actually have someone in mind).
Imagine she always says mean things to you and oversteps your boundaries. She isn't kind to you, she doesn't have your back and she always flakes out on plans at the last minute.
Would you trust her? Would you see her as reliable? Would you have confidence in her as a friend?
NO! Probably not!
You'd be doubting her all the time. Doubting if she's gonna turn up for lunch. Doubting if she actually meant what she said. Doubting if she actually wants to be your friend.
And the same goes for you. If you don't trust yourself you will always be doubting yourself. Always dwelling on your decisions. Always questioning if you did or said the right thing. So the key when it comes to reducing your self-doubt, is actually increasing your self-trust.
How to improve self trust:
1. Keep promises to yourself.
If you say you're going to go for a walk, make sure it happens. If you plan to get up early, make sure it happens. If you arrange a self-care date with yourself, make it happen. Every time you break a promise to yourself you lose a little more trust in yourself with leads to more self-doubt and less confidence. You wouldn't skip out on a friend all the time, so why do it to yourself?
2. Stop procrastinating and get it done!
Procrastinating is sure fire way to drum up some more self-doubt girl. Think about it, the more time you give yourself to overthink, over analyse and dwell, the more time you'll have to question whether you are capable and good enough. Drop the faffing and just get it done.
3. Set boundaries and honour your own boundaries.
Boundaries are extremely important when it comes to our mental health, managing our energy and confidence. You can listen to episode 28 and episode 51 of my podcast (The Self-Full Podcast) where I go into detail about what boundaries are, why they're important, how to set them and 3 things to remember when setting them.
4. Do things you're good at.
The more you do things you are good at (or can see yourself improving in) you will begin to trust that actually, you are capable, you can do this. So this practice not only builds your confidence but builds self trust therefore reducing self-doubt.
5. Show up for yourself every single day.
Whatever that means to you. Maybe it means making your bed every morning. Or meditating everyday. Or going to therapy. Do things that prove to yourself, you are reliable and can count on you.
6. Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Get out of your comfort zone. Instead of always thinking about the worst case scenario and how you might die if you make the wrong choice, focus on what could go right. What the the best case scenario actually happened? That's totally possible! This will be hard to adopt this mindset at first, especially if you're used to always jumping to the worst thing possible, but the more you practice challenging those thoughts and balancing them with, 'ok but what if that didn't happen and something good happened instead?' the more you will build self-trust and believe in yourself - leading to less self-doubt.
Try these out (without doubting if you can do them!) and let me know how you get on!
For more in depth support you can join my monthly membership The Confidence Collective which is a super accessible group coaching container where we deep dive into all of the things you need to learn and address to become your most confident self.
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