I did a podcast episode going into more detail on this topic so if you want to listen you can click here. But I also wanted to share a mini version of it here on my blog for any of my gals that prefer to read. So here goes...
1. Set boundaries.
Boundaries are absolutely vital if you want a healthy relationship with yourself and others. They are basically these invisible lines that we do not allow ourselves or others to cross. They protect our energy and encourage the same respect from others in regards to that boundary. For example, one of my boundaries is to not engage in gossip. This is a personal boundary. Which means it is a promise I keep to myself because it aligns with my values and how I want to experience the world. It also determines what energy I am wiling to accept into my life. So if I am in a situation where other people start gossiping, I remove myself from the situation (or try to change the subject) because I want to honour and respect my boundaries. If you don't have boundaries then that is when you feel like people take advantage of you and walk all over you. But you are not a door mat! So stop acting like one. Boundaries allow you to assert yourself and demand what you deserve and how to want to be treated but in a loving way. I recorded a whole podcast episode about boundaries so if you want to dive deeper (which I highly recommend you do) then you can click here to listen.
2. Forgive yourself and others.
One of my favourite quotes is 'holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die'. You can hold a grudge for as long as you want, but that is not going to make you feel better and it isn't going to punish the other person (it only punishes you!) Forgiveness is the key to moving on and letting go. And as hard as it may seem, forgiveness is only one simple choice away. People will hurt you. You'll get mad and take offence. Pain is inevitable. It's life. But continued suffering is optional.
3. Stop worrying about other peoples opinions.
The only opinion of you that truly matters is your own. Because at the end of the day you are the most important person in your life. Sounds harsh, but no one really cares what you do. That person at the gym that you think is judging you, doesn't care. That girl from high school that is lurking on your instagram posts and making you feel judged, she doesn't care! I'm sorry but people don't care about your life as much as you think they do. And i'll let you in o a secret as to why...they are too damn busy focusing on their own life (and usually their own insecurities). So who cares what they say? Who cares what they think? You cannot let other people stop you from living your life. Because it isn't their life, it is yours. And come the end (yes, this got morbid quickly but go with it), they won't be the one thinking, 'oh I wish I did that. I wish I tried harder. I wish I wasn't scared of judgement'. That won't be them thinking that about your life, it will be YOU. So you have two choices; 1). continue living life in absolute fear of what people might think or say about you and end up with a tonne of regrets. Or 2). Just life your damn life doing what makes you happy and ignoring what other think because it's nothing to do with them. I know which one I'm choosing.
4. Stop seeking validation from others.
Who here is a people pleaser?? (no shame because this used to be me!) If you find yourself constantly trying to make other happy and feel anxious at the though that someone might not like you then you are probably a people pleaser. But if you are a people pleaser then it is very likely that you will be seeking your validation from other people. What does that mean? It means because you have low self-esteem/confidence/self-worth, that you feel you need approval and validation from outside sources (people liking you, constantly reassuring you, likes and followers on Instagram etc). To overcome this you need to learn to validate yourself and build your self-worth because you are the only validation you need. And when you learn that you are enough all by yourself then even if everyone else was gone, you would still be ok.
5. Let go of expectations!
I think a lot of people have 'expectations' of how they expect other people to behave. But you cannot control this. You can't control what they say, do or think. So stop trying! When we expect others to behave a certain way we are trying to control the outcome which is impossible! The only thing you can control in this world is yourself - what you think, what you do, how you respond, how to react. So instead of projecting your expectations onto other people and then being disappointed when they don't live up to those expectations, shift that focus onto what you can control...YOU. Not everyone thinks like you. Not everyone behaves how you do. Not everyone talks how you do. So stop expecting them to. You have to respect and accept that everyone is so different. You can't project your expectations of how a person should be onto everyone you meet because that will just lead to a lot of disappointment, resentment and fall outs. Rather than expecting people to do things raise the standard of the people you surround yourself with. And this will happen once you set your boundaries and start treating yourself the way you would like to be treated. Swap expectation for appreciation!
If you found this helpful, I would love to hear from you! Send me a message on Instagram or email me at email@example.com. Thank you for reading!