The other day I was sat doing my morning self-care routine (meditation, journaling, reading and stretching) then this thought crept into my head. A negative one. This thought was 'I shouldn't be taking this time for myself'. I managed to catch the thought which is amazing because that's what we aim for when these negative thoughts creep in - catching them before they spiral. Now this is coming from a self-care coach. Self-care is what I advocate. Taking time for yourself, putting yourself first and renourishing yourself and recharging your energy is everything I preach about. But it doesn't mean I am immune to those thoughts, especially as a recovering people pleaser and someone that has a deep desire to serve others, those thoughts do still pop up. But the important thing is knowing how to catch them.
Step 1: Self-awareness.
Notice the thought. If you don't know something is happening you can't change it. So how do we create and build this awareness around our thoughts, especially considering the majority of our thoughts come from the unconscious mind? The quickest way to become aware of those thoughts is to tune into how you're feeling, because those feelings are the gateway to what is going on in our brain. So using myself as an example, the other day when that negative thought popped into my head, I didn't know what it was, I started to feel guilty. So I then explored that guilt and asked myself 'why am I starting to feel guilty?' And that led me to the thought 'I shouldn't be taking this time for myself'.
Step 2: Understanding where the thought is coming from.
Why are you feeling this way? Why are you thinking this thought? This step is slightly more challenging because it often comes from our limiting beliefs and our stories. The stories that we tell ourselves, the stories that we have created in our mind usually from when we were very very young and they've continued to show up through our lives. And that is why that self-awareness is the first step. Because you can't change something if you don't know about it. So the same goes for your limiting beliefs. If you don't know what they are, if you don't understand them, if you don't know those stories are there, then you can't overcome them. and that is where working with a coach is really incredible and life changing because they show you your blind spots and help you work through your limiting beliefs and stories that are holding you back. They shine a light on your shadows so you can see them and understand them. That is a lot of the work that I do with my clients, the women that come on my retreats and attend my women circles. Working through those limiting beliefs, uncovering those stories that are holding you back from living authentically.
Step 1: realise the thought is there in the first place, and catch it.
Step 2: understand why that thought has entered your mind. So that's going to be surrounding your limiting beliefs and uncovering your stories.
Step 3: Change the thought for something more empowering.
That thought for me the other day was so disempowering. The idea that I don't deserve that time for myself. The idea that I am not worthy of self-care is so disempowering, and it was fear based. It was in the feeling of fear, lack and scarcity because I felt like I wasn't 'doing enough'. So I changed that thought for something more empowering. That more empowering thought was, 'I am worthy of this time to recharge myself and when I take this time for myself I am of better service to other people'. And that for me is so empowering because it backs up all my beliefs.
So by using those 3 steps I stopped that little pesky thought from taking over the rest of my day. I stopped it from spiralling into something bigger, spiralling into comparison or self-destructive behaviour, deprecating self-talk. And instead created something more empowering that fit my beliefs that I want to believe in, the ones that I am choosing to live my life by. The ones that allow me to show up as a better wife, a better friend, a better coach, a better business woman. Ones that feel better to me. And you can 100% do the same. You can switch that negative thought into something more empowering. But if you feel like there are too many negative thoughts right now and it's a bit overwhelming and you don't know where to start. You don't know what your stories are, you need some support, guidance and help in this area of your life then don't be afraid to ask for help.
The reason I am so passionate about this kind of work is because it has honestly changed my life and changed my perception of how I view the world. I now know that I am worthy of having it all and so are you. You deserve to uncover your stories so you can step into your most authentic self and reclaim your power.
If this blog resonated with you then please send me a message or email me and lets chat about how I can support you.